The Threads of Fate and Destiny
by peshmerga
Summary: Do you ever wonder what the difference between destiny and fate is? I find that I ask myself that question a lot these days. I know, rather unlikely for some red-headed punk to be so philosophical, right? But, how can I not question the threads that tie the universe when the first woman I ever love suddenly becomes my sister? (Yusuke x Ema)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Brothers Conflict**

 **Author's Note: Reset! That is the idea for this story. Told mostly from Yusuke's POV, it assumes the anime/novel are exaggerated interpretations of the brothers' affections for Ema. I write into the story a bit of realism. Yusuke x Ema of course (this ship will not sink!).**

 **Please R &R.**

 _Yo._

Do you ever wonder what the difference between destiny and fate is? I find that I ask myself that question a lot these days. I know, rather unlikely for some red-headed punk to be so philosophical, right? But I assume that is normal for any teenager. After childhood and learning about the physical aspects of the universe, is it not natural to begin delving into the metaphysical? Especially after one unlikely event happening after another, how can I even avoid the question?

First, being born to a big family of 12 brothers. How many times do you even hear of large families with _all boys?_ I've read of families that are not able to have boys from radiofrequency and electromagnetic fields, but I haven't heard of anything where girls are hard to come by.

Even more so, having brothers who are all equally talented and (supposedly) good looking in their own right. What is the likelihood of having brothers who are good at everything? Music, sports, law, medicine, performing arts, visual arts, oh you name them. Newsflash to my self-esteem, you are dead.

Second, falling in love at first sight. I know, cheesy, right? And highly unlikely for me, a guy who's pledged to avoid all romantic entanglements after seeing all my older brothers and their failed romances with women ranging from aloof to downright insane. I've seen it all: women breaking my brothers' hearts, my brothers breaking womens' hearts (yes, plural for some), loud arguments, violent arguments, tears and drama. Sickening and very troublesome.

I'd avoided girls growing up, believing them to be the gateway to hell. I wasn't the friendliest nor the most approachable of dudes - "BAKA" was my signature word when speaking with them. Though for some reason, they still kept fawning over my red hair and flocking around my locker like a bunch of vultures.

And yet, despite my background, despite my resolve to avoid them, I was stunned and left floored at the simple sight of a gentle girl watching the cherry blossoms and basking in the crisp spring air. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes on.

And third - and most unlikely, yet tells you a lot about my luck - that the one girl I had serious feelings for becomes my stepsister! How? What? Why? Of all the billions of people on the face of this planet, my mother just had to marry the one man who fathered the key to my eternal happiness!

 _Is it destiny that I be stuck in a cycle of unlikely events?_

 _Is it fate that sucked me in this hole of misery?_

Is there a difference between the two because I'd like to know how to reverse my unfortunate future?


	2. Chapter 2

So I lied. Even though I avoided girls growing up because my brothers set such terrible examples, there is one girl that gripped my heart early on. Actually, let me rephrase that, there is an idea of a kind of girl that gripped my heart early on. She was pieced together by the books I read, the shows I watched, the people I've met, the lessons from my brother's relationships, and even my own Mama's daydreams of the kind of daughter she would like.

And so, in the very back of my head, when I am unconscious and when I let myself dream in broad daylight, came together the image of this girl. Gentle like the princesses in fairy tales. Determined like the heroines in movies. Sweet and thoughtful like the daughter Mama wished for. Beautiful and elegant like Mama. Simple and kind unlike my brother's exes. Substance concealed from the superficial.

I knew she was not real. And it's unrealistic to have a girl like that at all. But I think holding onto that image for years made it easier for me in adolescent state not to fall prey to the advances of the girls who barraged me with their compliments on a regular basis.

I was hopeful though. I thought someday when I'm 30, I'll find a girl like that. Otherwise, I won't be dating anyone at all.

But unbeknownst to me, destiny - or fate - had other plans. I surely did not expect this image of my perfect girl to waltz into my reality on my first day of high school.

I think I froze at the sight of her standing there. Cherry blossoms raining on us, the wind in her hair, petals brushing against her delicate cheeks, she smiled and took it all in, savoring and delighting in nature for all that it offers.

I remember mentally kicking myself to check if it was all real.

I remember taking note of how her hair looked so soft as the wind blew it away to highlight her face. It was as if the blossoms painted their color on her cheeks and lips as they grazed her skin.

I remember watching her blink. Her velvety lashes moving in slow motion.

I remember how her laugh etched itself in my heart and became my favorite melody.

Maybe I was getting ahead of myself, maybe I was being too presumptuous, but I was completely enamored by her. She consumed my thoughts and awakened in me feelings I never thought a person could even experience.

Go ahead. Laugh. Who knew this tough guy was a romantic, right? Yeah, I guess it's funny when you think of it - how one girl can hold one guy captive like that.

But let destiny - or fate - explain that.


	3. Chapter 3

So some folks find it unbelievable that I can be philosophical. For some reason people give me this aghast look on their face when I say I read. What is so surprising about that?

Look, my mother is a very smart woman. How do you think she became CEO of her company? She's well-traveled and well-versed in a lot of things. A woman like that cannot afford to have sons be dumb as rocks.

Mama set a standard for all my brothers to read a new book every month, to learn a different language, and to embrace and master a hobby - whether that be music, sports, arts, literature or something else.

Masa-nii bore the brunt of it. But hey, he ended up becoming a doctor. He was also the youngest board member of the Japan Medical Association.

Kyo-nii didn't escape it either. Kana-nii was clever enough to escape it all by devoting himself to religion, which even Mama wouldn't dare question. Hikaru-nii followed Mama's footsteps. The triplets is where things got convoluted. I think there were too many at once to keep track of anything. But the older ones already made a habit of things that we younger ones ended up adapting to them anyway.

I don't know that I've figured out what hobby I want to embrace and master yet. I thought I had time to decide. But now that everyone's seemed to have carved something of their own - Natsu-nii has his video game company, Suba-nii has basketball, even darn Fuuto has his career - I am feeling the pressure to make a decision.

Destiny, Fate, why don't you butt your ugly heads when it comes to these things?


	4. Chapter 4

The first time she talked to me, I was caught in the verge of a fight in the school hallway. I know, way to make an impression, right? Even worse, she kept speaking to me cheerfully and I just stood there barely articulating any words like a blithering idiot.

The second time she talked to me, I actually was in a fight. A guy named Izuku was being made fun of for his new braces and I tactlessly butt in. Apparently, the guys in the group were bullying Izuku to show off to some girls in the class. I didn't know about this secret adolescent male agenda, and apparently my stepping in made them look like beta males to the girls and hence the fight. I took a strong blow to the stomach and bore a black eye after it all, which sucked. But in the end she talked to me, and I guess it was alright.

"I heard about what happened, are you okay?" she was right by her locker at the end of the school day when she turned to me with a concerned look on her face.

"I...uh...y-yeah...uh...yeah." I cleared my throat. "Yes, it's alright."

"I think it's nice what you did. Maybe a little stupid, but nice all the same." She flashed that blinding smile but I was taken aback by something that she said,

"HA-H?! Stupid?!"

She giggled again and put on her leather loafers, "Well, yeah. You got in there knowing you're up against six guys. That's not very smart."

"Stupid, huh?" I opened my locker and took off my rubber shoes. "Well, I couldn't just stand by either when they were insulting Izuku. I'd gladly be stupid if it meant standing up for what's right."

"Hmm. Yeah." She stopped giggling and just smiled warmly at me. Her eyes were soft but they pierced my soul. "Asahina, right?"

I nodded avoiding her gaze so she wouldn't see the deep blush on my face.

"Just, don't forget to take care of yourself too from time to time," She said softly.

"Th-thanks." I could feel myself blush harder, if it was even possible. Kami-sama, how does this girl manage to turn me into jelly?

"Well then, see you around."

"See you, um…"

"Hinata Ema. Or Ema, if you like."

I gave a weak wave in response but she had already run off to her friend.

I walked home on a cloud that day.

And then, before our first year ended, I talked to her again. She was buying bread from the cafeteria and I was in the crowd. She didn't have 50 yen on her and was lacking them to complete her purchase. I gave the clerk my one coin to save her the trouble.

"Ah, thank you Asahina-kun. I'll pay you back."

"Mm." I nodded. Though I meant to say, 'you're welcome and don't bother' but no words came out.

She gave me a quick bow then left with her friend.

My year ended on a pretty awesome note.


	5. Chapter 5

And then of course, she showed up at my house.

I was so excited the beginning of junior year too. We had become classmates and that first week of junior year - I got to see her handwriting on the attendance sheet being passed around, got to watch her answer a math question; I even picked up a pencil she dropped. So I was pretty much on cloud nine.

And then all the excitement of that first week faded when I learned that we had also become siblings.

I can't accept it.

What made the worst news ever even worse? My brothers who are all over their new imouto. My brothers who will grab every opportunity to catch her attention, to humiliate and overshadow me on every turn.

Tsuba-nii was being too affectionate with her - he is inappropriate as usual. Kana-nii, the religious man that he supposedly is, kept complimenting her in suggestive ways. And even Wataru acted even more spoiled than usual, always trying to grab her attention.

No wonder she fell ill on her first day at the condo. Who wouldn't find all this overwhelming?

I barely slept the next few days just trying to process everything.

Unable to bear it and comprehend it any longer, I called Mama one night. She was in Santa Clara, CA and was about to go into a meeting but thankfully, she picked up.

"Hello Yu, what's going on?"  
"Mama...she's my classmate."

"Who? Oh Ema? I didn't know that. Well, that's nice, at least she'll know someone. You know how your brothers can be."  
"But Mama…" I paused trying to think of the words. I called because I wanted to yell and whine about how and why she must marry Ema's dad, to pass it off as making things awkward between me and my classmate or a son who is upset about her mother's marriage. "She's...she's my classmate."

Why is this so hard to convey?

"Yes, you told me that. Is there anything wrong with it?"

"Um...she's just...I kind of...she's…" I wasn't sure how to tell my mother what I was thinking and feeling. My thoughts weren't following a cohesive thought.

"She's really pretty," was what I blurted out. Crap, I should have thought it through some more!

There was a pause on the other side. "Oh Yu, that's the first time I've ever heard you say anything like that about a girl."

"THAT'S NOT THE-" I shut my mouth when the emotions of the changed engulfed me again. "She's really nice too."

"Mm, Yu, it's okay for you to like her." Her words surprised me. I didn't expect her to say that.

But wait - did my mother just call me out on my crush?

"WAIT! THAT'S NOT - "

"Ema is a beautiful girl. I'm not surprised she caught your attention." She giggled, "If you like her, it's okay. There is no incest taboo, she's just your step sibling."

"Everyone is calling her Nee-san and all…" I grumbled.

"Well, her dad and I are getting married after all." She said cheerfully. I could just imagine her admiring her ring. "But that doesn't make you blood-related either."

I sat on that for a second, "Hm...I guess."

"Alright, I have to go to a meeting now. You stop your brooding and just be happy, after all won't you see her more often now that you live under the same roof?"

My cheeks burned. Mama is such a tease sometimes.

"Bye, little Red. See you in a month. Love you."


	6. Chapter 6

Even after speaking with Mama, it wasn't until the second week of class that my 180-turn about everything began.

She was at the breakfast table, having breakfast with Ukyo and Wataru. I normally just grab toast for breakfast but the sight of her there was quite inviting. _Yeah, we are living under the same roof now._

I sat with her and the others and we had a pleasant meal. I thought it was really nice to see her first thing in the morning. I mostly just listened to her conversation with Wataru and his elementary classes over breakfast and made little notes about how she didn't like butter on her toast and that she scooped out and ate the tofu in her miso first before everything else.

I'm glad I get to be close to her like this - to see her do the most ordinary things and make them look like magic.

Ukyo-nii had to drop Wataru off at school so we walked to the train station together. I was so excited and nervous at the same time and I still wasn't sure how I should be speaking to her. We're classmates, she's my first love, and now we're siblings. What kind of dynamic is expected of that kind of relationship?

"Well, that was a delicious breakfast. I normally just have jam and toast back home."

"Y-yeah." I chuckled nervously. She glanced at me with a small smile and kept walking. I figured, I probably should ask her how she's doing, considering the massive change to her life and all.

"So...uh...h-how are you adjusting to everything?"

"Oh, um." She looked surprised at the question and paused to think for a moment. "I'm pretty good. Pretty good." She repeated, kind of like she was reassuring herself about how she felt.

"I've wanted siblings since I was a little girl and to have so many AT ONCE - it...it's certainly overwhelming - but exciting too! It's just going to take a little bit more time to get used to it."

"Mm...I understand." _Maybe I should put more effort into making her feel more comfortable._

"Well, would it help if I introduce my brothers properly? Maybe tell you about our family history a bit?" Properly, of course, meant my own spin into things.

"Oh do." She smiled, looking half surprised that I'm the one to initiate conversation this time.

"Well, let's see. Masa-nii...he was already 14 when I was born but he remained pretty close to us younger kids despite the age gap. Because for some reason, he really likes kids. I guess that's why he became a pediatrician. You'd think that after having to take care of so many younger brothers he'd be fed up with kids by now, but no. Sometimes, I think Wataru thinks he's his dad."

She giggled. "That was what I thought when they met me at the gate last week. I thought he was Wataru's dad!"

"He has a very fatherly instinct. And he does kind of fulfill that role sometimes, being our guardian and everything. He looked after us pretty well growing up. He's a very responsible older brother.

"Kyo-nii is the same, very responsible. He's not as affectionate though. He didn't hang out nor speak with us a lot but he cleaned after us and he still does. I am not very close to Kyo-nii to be honest. By the time I started noticing things around me, he was in high school and was dating this girl whom I barely saw and Kyo-nii was always out with her. Then when he was in college, he was dating another girl who always came over. She was loud and a lot of us avoided her….we don't like his taste in women.

"Um...Kyo-nii is trying to start his own law firm. He's been talking about quitting his firm and starting his own for about a year now. So that's consuming him. That's why he's cooking a lot. We used to sometimes take turns cooking, but cooking is Kyo-nii's stress reliever and since this has been on his mind, we've left him to do the cooking."

She smiled and looked up at me, "That's nice. I was watching him in the kitchen earlier and he seems to really be in the zone."

"Yeah, that's his domain."

We arrived at the train station and rushed through the sea of people to get to our train. While waiting for the blue line, she faced me and smiled again. My heart just about leapt up to my throat. _Kami-sama. Get it together, Yuusuke!_

"Will you tell me more?"

"Oh yeah, Kana-nii then...he's ten years my senior. We are not that close either. He didn't bother the little kids much and hung out with his friends and girlfriends more. He's a bit of a player, see. He always says it's natural when you're the lead singer of a band."

"He's in a band?"

"Was. And maybe still is...I don't know. He has the voice. He plays the guitar. The women flocked to him. And so, I think he's a little overconfident...I apologize if he's inappropriate with you. He likes to tease."

"It's fine, I don't think it's malicious."

"Well, that said, even though he's like that, he's actually a very approachable older brother. The other two always treated us like children, but talking to Kana-nii is like talking to a friend your age."

"He does exude that friendly vibe." She giggled again.

"He's very perceptive and empathetic, so despite his womanizing ways, one can't help but love him still."

The crowded train stopped before us and we pushed through gently. People were packed like sardines and she was pushed closer and closer against me until our shoulders were pressed together and her face was inches from mine.

 _Kami-sama._

I could swear my face was as hot as the sun and as red as my hair. I hoped she didn't notice.

"My, the trains are crowded coming this way." She whispered, and if my eyes were deceiving me, I thought I could see a small tinge of pink on her cheeks. This predicament embarrasses her too, huh? That's so cute.

"A little earlier than this and it would have been fine." I grumbled.

"Well, let's kill time, please continue with your story."

"STORY?"

"Yeah, _The Tale of Yuusuke and his 12 brothers._ " She laughed and I got distracted by the cute freckles on her nose for a second.

I nodded and tried to focus again on my 'story'.

"Hikaru-nii...I honestly barely know Hikaru-nii. When I came to notice things, he was in highschool and was always traveling with Mama."

"Mama? Is that what you call your mother?"

"Yeah, the older ones call her Okasan but the younger ones, somehow we just call her 'Mama'."

"That's cute, I've never called anyone 'Mama' before."

 _When she said 'cute', was she referring to me?_ I'd always hoped she'd call my mom 'Mama' when we someday will get married. But she might have to call Mama 'Mama' too now that she's my stepsister. _Funny how things we wish for don't quite end up like we wanted._

"I haven't met Hikaru. I saw a picture of him on the fridge though, that's all I know about him."

"He is a lot younger in that picture. He doesn't look like that now, you probably won't recognize him."

The train stopped and we got off to walk the next few blocks to school. She was walking on the side closest to the street, so I moved to take her spot to keep her away from bad drivers. She took notice of this and whispered her thanks cheerfully. I shrugged and looked away from her to hide the blush and the pride that was probably beaming on my face. _It's like I'm her knight and protector!_

She then gave me a nudge - a nudge that sent tingles up and down my spine. When I looked at her, she gave me a look that prodded me to go on and tell my tale.

"So then we have the triplets. Hm...Tsuba-nii is very similar to Kana-nii though he's more childish. You've probably noticed that he is the noisiest of all of us. He likes to mock and he likes to tease. He is also very inappropriate so ignore him...Tsuba-nii had a lot of girl friends or girlfriends. I'm not sure which ones he dated and which ones were just friends. They came by often to hang out and they often brought him gifts. He is very used to the affections of girls so he's probably going to expect that from you too."

She giggled nervously, "Well...I don't know about that."

"Then Azu-nii probably takes after Kyo-nii more in that he's more serious and reserved. He and Tsuba-nii have been attached by the hip ever since I can remember. I don't hang out with Azu-nii very often. He was always so focused on his studies and now his work and every time he had free time, he was hanging out with Tsuba-nii. I do play video games with him sometimes, and he would drive me to school sometimes when he fancied it...oh, one thing you might not be able to tell from the twins is that they like to cosplay."

"What? I didn't expect that at all!" The surprise in her eyes was so cute.

I nodded, "Yeah, Azu-nii dated this one girl who was a cosplayer and she got him into it and naturally, Tsuba-nii too."

"That is nice. Do you cosplay?"

"WHAT? NO WAY, THAT'S SILLY AND CHILDISH!"

She smiled, "Oh I don't think so. And I think you'd look good in cosplay."

My cheeks were so warm from her words. Not knowing what to say, I just grunted and cleared my throat, making a mental note to seriously consider cosplaying someday for her sake.

"Ahem, anyway...Natsu-nii is similar to Azu-nii in that he is also quite serious. But he is not as attached to Tsuba-nii."

"Oh, Natsume-san? I have not met him either."  
"He lives in the city too but - well, you'll probably meet him sometime. He comes over sometimes to fix Tsuba-nii's messes with Azu-nii. Even though Tsuba-nii is the oldest of them three, he acts the most like a child."

She giggled again, "He does give off that vibe. Sometimes, you seem more mature than him."

I blushed again for the nth time that morning.

"Anyway, Natsu-nii is both smart and athletic. He used to play a lot of basketball in school. I remember watching some of his games as a kid. He had so many fans. I met some of them because they would come to the house to drop presents for him. Little did they know, the jock they idolized did nothing but play video games when he's home. So that's what he does for a living now is develop video games."

"That's so cool! Maybe we can get free stuff from him to play."

"Always. Half of my collection is free stuff from him."

"I'd like to see your collection sometime."

 _Kami-sama. She wants to see my collection - in my room! Mama was right, this might actually be nice._


	7. Chapter 7

When I saw the gate to school, I bolted. Even though I'd just realize that it might actually be nice to have her as a stepsister, I wasn't sure I wanted people in school to know.

"I-I forgot I needed to do something. I'll see you later." I called before her and sprinted to class.

I was already in the classroom when she arrived. She walked in and gave me a 'Where'd you go?' look but her friend Mahoko immediately greeted her and talked to her nonstop. I was actually relieved. I wasn't sure how to explain it to her.

When class ended, and after my supplementary lessons, I found her sitting on the stairs doing some of her homework.

"Oy, what are you doing there?"

"Ah, Yuusuke-kun!" I took note of the change of address. She used to call me Asahina-kun. Now, she was actually calling me by my first name.

In a span of a few days, I'm closer to her already. Maybe destiny - or fate - did intend for our parents marriage to happen so that I could be closer to her.

She gathered all her things and placed them in her book bag, "I was actually waiting for you. I hope that's okay. You disappeared so suddenly this morning, I worried if everything was okay."

"Sorry about that." I said sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck.

"I'm not sure how it normally worked among siblings, but I figured we could go home together. Do siblings do that? Mahoko goes home with her brother when they don't have club activities…"

"I didn't really go home with my brothers - at least the ones my age. We hung out with our friends mostly…then we went to different schools."

Ema's smile faded.

"B-but, I'd be happy to go home with you - WAIT, that might have come out wrong - Going home together makes me happy!" _Man, I sound like a dork._

But she giggled and I guess it's worth looking silly in front of her from time to time if it means I get to make her happy.

"Who was in school with you growing up?" She asked as we headed to the train station.

"Well, Rui-nii, Suba-nii, Iori-nii, and Fuuto. We're the ones closest in age. We went to the same elementary school."

"I'm surprised you aren't very close even with the ones closest your age."

"Yeah. We were different. Rui-nii is very aloof. He doesn't get rowdy like the rest of us can be. He likes to just watch everybody. He doesn't look like it but he is a workaholic and he was very studious as a kid. I think he works harder than any of us because he really wants to master his craft. Now he's a hairdresser and he wants to revolutionize his industry. Did you know that he is recognized in the entertainment industry for his unique methods? But I guess also because of Fuuto."

"And then Suba-nii, actually I'd say, I'm closer with him. Though ever since I can remember, Suba-nii has had nothing else on his mind but play basketball. His life has evolved around the sport from his elementary days, to high school and now college. He and Natsu-nii are very close for that reason. He is very focused on his sport and seems not interested in anything else beyond that. He and I were roommates when we were younger - in our old place. We talked a lot about basketball before bed and I'd watch games with him on the small TV we had in our room. I would also tag a long sometimes and I always watched his games when I could. I remember there was a time when he would go to the temple everyday just praying that he would grow tall. He'd ask me to pray for him too, and I did. And look at him now, he's tallest among us."

Ema giggled, "It seems your prayers worked."

"Y-yeah, it appears it has." _Hopefully my other prayers will also be answered._

It was late, so the train wasn't very crowded when we got there. We stood on opposite sides of the door. Ema held onto a pole while I leaned back against a priority persons seat.

"What about Iori? You're born a year apart."

"Iori-nii is very mature for his age. He knew what he wanted early on. He always talked with the grown ups. He always wants to be well-rounded and know how to do a little bit of everything. He didn't play with us as kids, always focused on carving his future, mastering a new skill, etc. He is very nice though, I didn't fight with him too much in spite of how close we are in age. He is always giving and always wants peace and quiet. I've probably seen Iori-nii lose his temper once or twice and that was usually when our rowdyness got in the way of his projects. Or he was in the zone thinking about something and we were all too loud…"

"Iori sounds like my papa. Papa is focused like that and always wants to learn new things. I wouldn't be surprised if Iori leaves Japan someday to venture out into the world."

I cocked an eyebrow, "Huh...he speaks of that sometimes. Of going to Africa and volunteering or learning art in Europe…"

She smiled knowingly, "That's the seed right there."

 _Kami-sama, she's so cute._

"Well more so now since she passed. See, Iori's girlfriend died last year and he has been a wreck. I no longer know how to act around him. He's been very delicate. He's only started to recover recently."

"I see. He's the sensitive type. It must be very hard on him."

"It is."

"If you didn't fight with Iori, did you fight a lot with Fuuto?" Her question was so innocent. I am half ashamed of having to reveal the long history of animosity between me and my evil brother.

"Don't even say it. Fuuto gets on my nerves the most. I admit, I admit, he is talented but he also likes to gloat about it in my face. Everyone _loves_ Fuuto. He is always center of attention. Very outgoing and has always had a lot of friends growing up. Didn't take long for the studio to take notice of him and make him their star. He was a natural at selling himself because that's the narcissist that he is. Be careful with him, he has a sick, sick sense of humor. He was always teasing and pranking me because he doesn't have the guts to do it to any of the other brothers. He figures he can't hurt me. Yes, he is my brother but I think he is slightly demented."

She hummed to herself, "Even when your words are laced with anger, I can tell that you have a bit of fondness, pride and admiration for him still."

"HA-H?!" I growled angrily out of reflex. "That suggestion is so disgusting I'm going to throw up!"

She giggled, "Sure, sure, I take it back." She said, half-heartedly, almost sarcastically. For a second, I was taken aback-I didn't realize she was capable of sarcasm.

I scratched my cheek, "I guess...It is still pretty cool to be related to a pop star."

Her smile widened.

"DO NOT TELL FUUTO I SAID THAT!"

She laughed harder and I can't help but feel so content in this moment.

We got off the train in time for Ema to recover from the Fuuto revelation. She turned to me again as we made our way home. _Kami, I hope she pours her attention on me like this everyday._

"Are you close to Wataru at all?"

"Mm...he's our baby brother and we're all quite fond of him. He was so cute when he was born and we loved watching him try new things. I play board games with Wataru sometimes and he often asks me to help him with his homework."

"Why you?"

I feigned offense, "What's that, do you not have faith in me or something?"

"No," She waved her hands in front of her, "I just wondered why, out of all the brothers...what makes Yusuke-kun stand out as the ideal tutor?"

"Stand out?" I shot back at her, _I hadn't really thought about it like that._ "It's nothing special. The older ones have work, and the younger ones have club or other activities. I stay at home mostly-and even among those who are at home a lot, they claim to have been out of school for too long to remember how subjects normally go. So then it ends up being me. But I don't mind it, doing elementary school work makes me feel smart."

Ema smiled, "But you are smart and I think that's really cool of you."

 _My chest felt like fire and the heat rose to my cheeks._


	8. Chapter 8

I cleared my throat just as we were turning the corner to the condo, "So that's pretty much all my brothers in summary."

"Ah it's not!" She exclaimed.

"Huh?" I had to stop on my tracks, thinking about whether or not I missed a brother. _Gasp, was there a brother I didn't know about?!_

Giddily, Ema leaned forward to look at my face, "I haven't heard about who Yusuke is yet." _My face got even warmer. It was so warm, I can only imagine my face turning as red as my hair._

"I've known you for a while but I barely know anything about you. What is the eleventh brother like?" She poked my shoulder and it shot tingles up and down my arm.

I blushed and rubbed my nose, laughing nervously. "Ah, that is...a very simple guy, I guess? He doesn't really have a niche like his brothers. He's an ordinary teenager. Goes to school, plays video games, and also sports when asked of him. Very mundane."

"Why isn't he in any clubs?" Ema maintained the third person address. Maybe she figured it will make me feel less uneasy if we spoke of me as someone else.

"He's been invited to join many but the clubs started getting into fights with each other so he decided to be a freelancer or mercenary athlete if you will." I recalled the brawl between the captains of the judo, kendo and basketball club, and some members of the baseball and soccer clubs last year and settled on neither of them to keep the peace.

"Ah, that's what it is. What does Yusuke do on his free time?" Ema continued her inquiry getting in step with me as we started walking the last two blocks home.

"He has lots of free time so he either goes to Suba's games, helps Wataru with his homework, go to Tsuba and Azu's events or test Natsu's new game. Sometimes even watches Fuuto's interviews-that's a secret! DON'T TELL HIM THAT!"

She giggled, "Doesn't he have friends or girlfriends he hangs out with?"

"Friends, he has a a lot but he prefers being by himself anyway. Girlfriends? Not interested."

 _Shoot. She might think something else._

Panicked, I rambled, "He's totally straight, by the way! He's just not interested in a girlfriend!"

"How come?" Her big brown orbs seemingly staring into my soul.

"Ah-that is...how do I say this? 'Girlfriend' sounds temporary. He's not interested in temporary."

We arrived home and I pressed the buttons on the elevator to get to the main living area.

When we hopped in, Ema mustered a long "Hmmm…"

"What is that for?" I asked nervously. _Does she think I'm totally cheesy for thinking the way I do?_

"That's me absorbing the things you said about you."

"Is it a bad thing?"

She shook her head, "I think Yusuke is a very genuine and sincere person. You care so much about your family. You value that which is lasting and waste nothing on fleeting things. I think that's really cool."

I could die that instant. A compliment from her, for simply being who I am, was pure bliss.

The elevator door opened and we were greeted by a grinning Tsubaki. "We're home."

"Welcome home!" The folks in the main living area chorused. I spotted Kyo-nii, Wataru, Rui-nii and Azusa from the corner of my eye.

"So, how did your first day going to school together go?" Tsubaki ignored me, directing his question to Ema.

Ema smiled cheerfully, "It was very fun! I really enjoy going to school, and coming home with Yusuke-kun!"

She said my name again and my heart fluttered.

"Then perhaps, you should do it more often." Tsubaki said wrapping an arm around Ema and then turning to face me, "We put our little Nee-chan in your care, Yu-chaaan!" He said suggestively smirking and winking at me.

'Yu-chan' is what they all like to call me when they want to tease me.

"Y-yes." I muttered under my breath. My face hot like a meat bun and I scampered off to the kitchen to get something to drink.

I spent the rest of the night with her and my brothers, eating dinner and playing a board game before we left for our respective rooms.

"Good night, Yusuke-kun! Thank you for today and see you again tomorrow!"

"Y-yes. Good night." I say shyly but in my heart, I was already impatient for morning.


	9. Chapter 9

She was soft-spoken and quiet, though not at all shy.

She was very gentle in her ways and had a quick wit about her that she rarely showed.

Despite her soft exterior, she did not easily take offense.

She can be very playful.

A few weeks of going to school and coming home together and I'd learned quite a lot about her. That she loved Math and enjoyed taking photos of things she finds pretty or amusing. She has a thing for socks, and enjoyed RPG's. Her friend, Mahoko, had been her friend since Middle School and they often go shopping together - mostly for school supplies, but also random trinkets that girls like.

The other week, on one of their trips, she bought a phone strap that had a squirrel on it. Then last week she bought another one of a stuffed squirrel.

Even though I took pains to avoid getting the true nature of our relationship caught in school (I think Mahoko is the only one who knows about it and even she pretends to not know anything), Sasakura still noticed that Ema and I have gotten closer. He too had a crush on her and cried to me one day, "How are you hanging out with her a lot now? I noticed, you know, that she comes and talk to you and that you clean together and stuff."

"Huh? It's nothing. We're just talking." I shrugged, trying to recall how this dude became my friend.

"Do you like her too?"

Thankfully every time he asked that question I've been saved by the bell or some other interruption.

On the day of our parents wedding, she sat by in the same table during the reception. It was the table for the younger kids with Wataru, Fuuto, me, Suba-nii, Iori-nii, and Rui-nii. Ema had her camera out the entire time and she kept insisting to take my pictures because it was "rare to see me in a suit" and that I made "the funniest expressions". She is playful and she was also such a tease.

This teasing was thankfully put to a stop when Iori-nii asked Ema to dance. She obliged him hesitantly and I took the opportunity to wazz and grab another drink. When I returned, she was dancing with Wataru.

Tsuba-nii met me back by my seat, "Are you drinking alcohol?" He looked at me suspiciously and grabbed my drink.

"It's just cider." I growled, thankful I quenched my thirst before he took it. I've gotten used to my brothers doing that to me.

He took a sip of my drink, "Oh good because you're too young for drinking."

"I KNOW THAT!"

"Well, would you look at that?" He turned his head to the dance floor. "Wataru seems to be really loving having an older sister who's gorgeous to boot, don't you agree?"

I followed his gaze and laughed nervously, "Y-yeah"

"Did you know he could dance like that?" Tsuba-nii inquired after Wataru, looking surprised.

"What? The Waltz? Yeah, I guess. Didn't he get dance lessons last year?"

Tsuba-nii laughed, "Oh, he did? That's right. Did you ever take dance lessons?"

"Y-yeah," I scoffed, "Very briefly when I was that age."

"Well then show us what you got!"

The savage older brother pushed me to the dance floor where I knocked into Ema. I growled at Tsuba-nii and he laughed sheepishly but he waved his hands as if encouraging me to go on.

So I did. Shyly, I asked Ema to dance. She agreed. And though it was nice, it was also kind of pathetic because I was too frozen to move. She was so close to me and she held onto my hands and shoulders! _Kami-sama!_

Ema pretended to not notice and just laughed it off, "Do you dance often, Yusuke-kun?"

"No, not at all."

She paused and smiled, "Well, I'm glad you chose to do so today."

We danced-no, swayed around for a little bit before her father asked to dance with her. Even though it was short-lived, I was really happy then. I hope I get to dance with her again someday-with a better intro, a better song, for a longer time and a not-so-frozen me-if fate or destiny wills it.


	10. Chapter 10

Most days with Ema were simple and really casual. Going to school and coming home, she talked to me about her day and asked about mine. She'd ask me about my thoughts on books in our required reading list or about the new trends going around like recording pranks on each other and broadcasting them on Lime. "So long as they don't post my face on there…" I shrugged. "Someday, all of this will come back to bite them in the ass when they are having difficulty finding jobs because of their online history."

"Oh that is true. I didn't even think that far ahead in the future." Ema looked up at the sky and kicked a rock on the ground. We were on our way to school and the sky had darkened, signaling impending rainfall.

"Do you think about what you want to do after high school, Yusuke-kun?"

I shot her a surprised look, "Um…a little bit here and there. I don't really know what I want to do yet but I've kind of always known I'm going to college like my other brothers. Suba-nii says his uni is really cool."

"I did check that university out. They have some really good Math programs." Ema said.

"Wow. You already read that much? You are so prepared. Did you want to pursue Math as a career?"

"I've thought about teaching Math. I enjoy tutoring Mahoko-chan."

I chuckled, "Nice, maybe you could tutor me too." I suggested jokingly.

"I would be happy to!" Her face brightened considerably. Her eyes were sparkling and her cheeks flushed.

I shook my head and smirked, "No, no, I was kidding."

"But you're struggling right? Let me help you then."

"I am, but it's too embarrassing."

"What's more embarrassing is if you don't get through the next grade because you failed Math. I'll help you! Then maybe you can tell me if teaching is a career I should be pursuing at all."

I looked at her beaming face. She is really sold on this idea.

I sighed, "Okaaay."

"Cool! Thanks Yusuke-kun!"

"I should be the one saying that."

She giggled then paused in her tracks, "Oh look, I guess I'll see you in class."

"Huh? What's wrong?"

"This is the corner where you usually bolt because you don't want to be seen with me coming to school." She smiled cheerfully at me but there was something sad about it. It seemed as if she's hiding something. Maybe the backdrop of a gloomy day enforced that idea.

I rubbed the back of my head, "I'll make an exception today."

"You will?!"

"It's nothing. It's just...well, it looks like it's going to rain and seeing how prepared you usually are, I'm sure you have an umbrella with you-which I don't. And I don't want to go to school soaking wet."

She giggled, "I do have an umbrella!"

We started walking again, but Ema was seemingly skipping, "I wish it was a rainy morning everyday."

I have no idea what she meant by that but it didn't end up raining then.


	11. Chapter 11

Ema tutored me on the weekends, in the beginning. When I failed the Meiji entrance test, she tutored me twice to three times a week. Now look, I was bad in Math but I wasn't terrible, so I could for the most part keep up with her lessons. The hardest part for me was figuring out the right formulas to use. I somehow always overthink it.

We studied in her room because she thought it would be better if I wasn't around the comforts of my own room and bed.

 _Kami-sama._ Being in her room lent itself to its own troubles. For one, I didn't realize how intimate these things could be. She had framed pictures on her walls and her cork board had reminders and magazine cut-outs pinned to them. She had stuffed animals on her bed and a giant turtle bean bag. I also learned that her room always smelled like strawberries and coconut.

These days with her did nothing to help me suppress my feelings for her. If anything, it intensified it. What could make you like the person you like more than knowing their little quirks?

I noticed her desk had many different colored pens on it because as it turns out, she liked to scrapbook and put her photos in an album where she'd use different colored pens to label them.

One time, she felt cold while studying and grabbed a pair of socks from her sock drawer to cover her feet. I learned that she has TWO drawers full of JUST socks: "One for short socks, and one for long socks," she boasted.

"I have honestly never heard of such an addiction." I gasped and stifled a laugh.

"No, it's not an addiction. I just find them so cute. I can't help buying a cute pair when I see one."

"Uh-huh. Like druggies just can't help but take drugs? Sounds a lot like an addiction."

She smacked my arm laughing, and I felt butterflies fluttering in my stomach. "You know how some girls are attracted to purses and some are attracted to shoes?" She fumbled through her words.

"No, but go on."

"Well, mine happens to be socks! I don't like exposing skin or walking around barefoot, so socks are a happy medium."

"Okay, you do you."

She went on for a little bit explaining the different kinds of socks-boot socks, knee socks, ankle socks, lacey socks, over the knee socks, silk socks-I didn't even know there were so many kinds. When I mentioned this quirky story to my brothers one evening, Ema ended up receiving nothing but socks for Christmas.

I also learned that Ema liked to line the edge of her notebooks with random quotes she likes. She has very pretty handwriting so it looked very nice how she did it. I thought that was very cool and tried to do it on my own notes but my handwriting isn't as nice as hers so it didn't end up looking as nice and I eventually gave up.

One weekend after the end of the school year, and right before our senior year started, I came into her room and she was stowing away some decorative/scented candles.

"Is that how you make your room smell like strawberries?" I asked as I sat down and pulled out my notebooks.

"Yeah...used to. I really like how they smell but I noticed today that my room didn't smell so much like strawberries anymore."

"Was it not working?"

"No, no...I just noticed that it started to smell like...well, you've been here so often that it started to smell somewhat like you."

I BLUSHED HARD. "Oh I'm sorry! I've always tried to come here not sweaty but I'm still a boy and we stink." I buried my face in my hands, almost sobbing in embarrassment.

I'd given my cologne, a gift from HIkaru-nii, to Suba-nii because I insisted he needed it more since he was always playing basketball. " _I don't have anyone to impress, go ahead take it!"_ I arrogantly said. And now that she's here, it's too late to take back. I wanted to curl inside myself like a snail and never come out!

"Ah no, don't apologize!" She tugged at my shirt softly, "You don't smell-er, I don't really mind how you smell! It's okay!"

I paused and kept my face buried in my hands, "I don't know if I should be offended."

She giggled, "Well, that's why I'm tucking these away," She gestured at her box of candles, "because I want to keep the room smelling this way."

"Ah, you're odd. Can I borrow them then? I want to use them for my room so I can get rid of the awful teenage boy smell."


	12. Chapter 12

During our senior year, Mahoko wasn't in our class. I forgot about the pretenses I put up last year. Ema and I hanging out together became so natural that when she gravitated to me in the absence of her best friend, I wasn't surprised nor did I push her away anymore.

Besides having a long-time crush on her, I actually really enjoyed hanging out with her as a person. She was funny and impish, always teasing - but these qualities were easy to miss considering how soft-spoken she was.

Sasakura saw me as his opening to become closer to her so he was also hanging around a lot. Then all three of us would meet with Mahoko for lunch and before we knew it that sort of became our group — the people we naturally gravitated to and hung around. Being with Ema became instinctive to me and we always ended up in the same groups for camps, fairs, and senior trips. She often sat next to me on the bus during these trips and we'd play road games, share headphones to listen to music, and eat each other's snacks.

It came out eventually that Mahoko had started liking Sasakura but the messy piece was, as I've always known, Sasakura liked Ema. So it was really awkward for a time when Mahoko confessed to Sasakura and Sasakura rejected her, but then he also got rejected by Ema when he confessed. Ema was put in the most troubling position because she was the muse of the guy her friend liked.

Mahoko was not upset with her but she did not want to talk either. So we all stopped hanging out for a while. And for a while it was just Ema and me.

This was around the same time Ema found out she was adopted. I did not know. My brothers did not mention anything to me if they had known.

But one night, I think Ema was feeling extra lonely with Mahoko not speaking to her, and the news about her family, that she came to my room late at night while I was playing video games.

I stood at my bedroom door and beheld Ema with her hair down, in her pajamas. "Yusuke-kun," She peeked in the room and saw the paused game on my TV, "Oh good, I didn't wake you...I was wondering if I could hang out here for a while?" Her squirrel wasn't with her and she looked somber and cold.

"Yeah, sure - OH WAIT, MY ROOM IS A MESS!" _Too late._ She had already waltz in and plopped herself on the floor next to my controller.

My heart skipped a beat. She's never been in my room like this. Except for the quick visits to pick up a book, drop off notes, whatever, she's never hung out with me in my room... _ever._

I closed the door and picked up all the dirty socks and shirts strewn all over the floor and tossed it in a pile before taking my place next to Ema, "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," She said with an exasperated smile, "What game are you playing?"

"Metal Gear Solid 5." I picked up the controller but hesitated on whether I should keep playing.

"Oh nice, let me know how that goes for you. Mine is still unopened on my shelf." She tucked her hair behind her ear and pursed her lips and hugged her knees, waiting for me to unpause my game.

I watched her closely and could tell there was a pained expression on her face. I unpaused my game and kept playing whilst still keeping an eye on her. I kept my eyes glued to the TV and whispered, "Ema...can you tell me what's wrong?"

She sighed, "Nothing...I was just feeling lonely."

"Is it Mahoko?"

She shook her head and played with the pull-strings of her hoodie. "I just found out I'm adopted that's all." She laughed nervously.

The news was like a bomb dropped in front of me unawares. I glanced at her and she was still smiling painfully.

My mind and heart were in panic mode. I have no idea how to comfort her. _Seriously, what do you say in these situations?_ I knew I couldn't just ignore it - nor could I begin to imagine what she's feeling right now. _How does that feel to find out you're adopted?_ Ema's never known her mother, and her dad has always been gone. _Who ARE her real parents? And where are they? Why couldn't they keep her?_

These must be the same questions that are running through her head: Loss, confusion, abandonment. What else would you be thinking about when your idea of yourself and your family are all of a sudden shattered?

This is life-changing and cannot be taken lightly. Ema needs someone. But neither am I the most eloquent when it comes to comforting someone so I did the best thing I could think of: I put my arm around her and pulled her to my side-so very awkwardly. I gulped, hoping she wouldn't think me creepy for it.

But then she did the most surprising thing: she laid her head on my chest and sobbed!

At the time, I was so sad for her I couldn't even notice our proximity - which, looking back, is actually a good thing because had I noticed, my heart would have been thumping so hard she would have heard it.

The room was silent except for Ema's sobbing and the paused music from the videogame. I patted her head softly.

After a while, she calmed down and raised her head to offer me a smile, "Sorry…" She wiped her face, "...and thank you. I'm really confused by this. It's like my world's been undone."

I remained silent, watching her wipe her flowing tears away. She looked awfully cute with her nose so red. I noticed her eyebrows also turn red when she's cried. It's adorable.

"It's almost like, I don't know who I am anymore, you know?"

"You're my Ema." I blurted out. "OUR-OUR EMA." I felt my face get hot. _STUPID - Why would you say that?_ I'm a complete dork. I resolved to stop talking lest I make it worse.

But this snafu elicited a giggle from her, and she gave me the softest smile, "Thank you, Yusuke-kun."

We spent the rest of the night playing Little Big Planet.


	13. Chapter 13

When I passed the Meiji entrance test, Ema thought she'd reward me and took me out on an "afternoon of fun," as she called it. By this time, she and Mahoko were speaking again and Sasakura also re-joined the group after Mahoko forgave him. All four of us went out to get parfaits, took a walk in the park to feed the ducks, played in the arcade and took a _purikura_ at Ema's insistence.

I'd never done a purikura before. It's one of those things that's always been around growing up but you've never had the guts to do because they're largely enjoyed by girls and it would be too embarrassing to check it out by yourself or to even suggest to your guy friends. When the previews came out, I gagged, "What the?! I look like an alien!"

Ema laughed, "It's adorable!" Mahoko eyed Ema with a raised eyebrow, she must have thought the statement bizarre as I did.

"Aliens are adorable to you?"

"Eh? Not particularly...but this little alien is!" She pointed at my picture on the screen. _See what I mean when I say she's such a tease?_

The girls walked away at some point and Sasakura cornered me by the water fountain, "Dude, you really don't like her?"

"Huh? Who?" I feigned ignorance, wiping the water that I almost choked on.

"Hinata."

 _Busted!_ There was no bell to save me this time, and there was no escaping it anymore. This guy would be uber dense if he hadn't noticed how comfortable Ema and I were around each other. You'd have to be an idiot to not be able to read the air. "Oh...uh...it's complicated, man."

"What does that even mean? It's either you like her or not."

"Trust me, you have no idea."

"Dude, you are the closest person to her-I think, even more so than Mahoko. She's not going to just ignore you. Look at us, I confessed to her and we're still friends, aren't we?"

I laughed and shook my head, "Sasakura, just...stop talking."

"When you enter college, you might both be at Meiji but you're going to be in different departments, you won't see her as much. You might as well tell her how you feel before you graduate and never see each other again."

Somehow, his suggestions irked me, "Dude, you are really talking out of your ass right now." _WE LIVE IN THE SAME EFFING HOUSE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD._ A confession is just _infinite levels_ of craziness.


	14. Chapter 14

**Note: This pivots from the rom-com style and takes a look at a more serious Yusuke to develop his character.**

I ended up going to Meiji for only six months. After which I would only see Ema on special occasions. It's a long story that starts with an epiphany.

It was our third month in college. I was studying political science and Ema went on to major in Math. Ema and I still hung out very frequently despite being in different departments. We shared some elective classes and we still met up in between classes and try to go home together as much as we could. At home, I was still her study buddy. We studied together and quizzed each other prior to exams and it was the most normal thing in the student world.

Naturally, I was on cloud nine. I was spending everyday with the girl I liked, and she didn't have to know. I was happy like that. Or so I thought. I'd long buried the question about my feelings and our relationship. I'd always ignored it for the temporary bliss of being with her.

And then one night I was in Ema's room. We had been studying for three hours. I stood up to stretch and noticed her corkboard had a bunch of post-it notes on it. Mostly homework and research reminders, but she'd also pasted some of them with her favorite quotations on it.

"Do you mind?" I gestured to the corkboard.

"No, go ahead." She smiled and continued solving her calculus questions. So I went to look at some of the stuff she had on there.

 **REMINDER: Buy matcha lava cake for Wataru next time you stop at Oyatsupan.**

 **"To a valiant heart, nothing is impossible." - House Capet**

 **"I can control my destiny, but not my fate. Destiny means there are opportunities to turn right or left, but fate is a one-way street. I believe we all have the choice as to whether we fulfil our destiny, but our fate is sealed." -Paulo Coelho**

I froze right there. It was profound and answered some of the questions I've been asking over and over for years. I stood there, reading it over and over, getting it to sink in.

"Yusuke-kun?" She called after me. "Do you want to get back to this?" She pointed at the research paper I was supposed to be writing.

"Ah yes. Sorry-this," I pointed at the quote, "This is good. I've often wondered what the difference was between those two." I chuckled and sat back down.

She smiled at me and glanced at the pink strip marked with her delicate handwriting, "Yeah, it's a good reminder that we have a lot of choices, and there are certainly things we can change but that there are also many things where we must surrender and accept that it is fate."

Like the fact that we are siblings and nothing more. I thought to myself. That our being together is just as siblings and I'm only deluding myself by nurturing these feelings that will surely only hurt me in the end.

I finished my paper that night but for the next month, I thought about how I'd only come to Meiji, mostly because of Ema. And how many of my decisions had been hinged on her and where she was going to be and what she would like. I kept chasing something that I was never going to have. On this, my fate is sealed. Eventually, she will not need me, and I will have lost my anchor. I can't keep trying to change my fate. But my destiny, I can still do something about.

I recalled the summer prior, and right after graduation our parents invited us to visit them in the Netherlands, where I spent a lot of time with Ema's dad, Rin. Turns out, what Ema thought of her father as an adventurer actually meant diplomat and now as a human rights officer based in Geneva. He showed me pictures of his travels and even took me with him to visit the Hague, and some refugee centers. He also shared with me the books he'd written, which I'd never read until that point. The stories he shared of post-conflict reconstruction and peacebuilding missions appealed the most to me.

I thought about stories and experiences like that for many days ahead; and how it would be nice to be able to do something or even just participate in historic events that would have an impact on peoples and governments for many years.

These two things drove me toward my decision. I was still madly in love with Ema but I knew I shouldn't be feeling this way and that I had to distance myself and do something apart from her if I was to gain any hope of forgetting what I felt. I loved her for 3 years, forgetting her had to be for something weightier.

And so, on the fifth month of college, having told no one, not even Ema, I took the entrance exam for the National Defense Academy. I had studied hard for that, so I wasn't surprised when I passed. After acceptance, I began the process of transferring my credits and enrolling in the academy. I told only Ema's dad, who was very supportive of my decision. At the end of the first semester, my brothers, Ema and I went on a small break to Mt. Fuji, where I then broke the news to them.

"What classes are you taking next term?" They had asked and I softly chuckled to myself, "Actually...I'm quitting Meiji." Silence - all eyes turned to me. After a minute, Ema whispered a small, "What?" And I cleared my throat, "I'm joining the military. I'm starting at the National Defense Academy in two weeks."

They didn't receive it well. All of them were shocked. Masa-nii, Kyo-nii, and Rui-nii said they were very proud, but the others resorted to ridicule. Ema just stared at me, looking like she was trying to decipher a foreign language.

"Yusuke, a soldier? Bah. I could barf." Fuuto cried.

"They are very strict and disciplined there. He can even barely wake up in time for his classes, can't even make his bed, he'll be chewed out for sure."

"And what of his spiky hair? You think he's going to give that up?"

I had anticipated this. Of course, it's unbelievable - red-headed punk decides to give his life to serve country? Who would have thought it, right? Where did this come from?

I ignored them all. But I wondered what Ema thought. For awhile she just stared at me, then at her lap, and then she didn't speak to me the rest of the time until before I had to leave and officially become a cadet.

She came to my room the night before. She had a small envelope in one hand and pouting she said rather angrily (though she looked so adorable still), "I wanted you to know that I'm upset that you didn't tell me anything about this! I may not know why but...I support your decision." The gesture was too cute for words: how she was trying so hard to be angry but underneath, her caring nature showed.

She extended her arms to hand me the envelope she held, "I hope that when times are bleak and you are tired and think you can't go on, that you will look at these and feel encouraged." I opened the envelope and found they were pictures she took of our friends and family. "Nobody is expressing it well, it came as a shock after all, but we are all rooting for you."

I chuckled, "Even Fuuto?"

She nodded, her eyes were moist, "Yes, even him. He just doesn't want to accept that you are nobler than him." She paused, "Because it is...a courageous and honorable thing and very few would bear its burden."

I was moved a little. And there was a part of me that hesitated - I was not courageous nor honorable, as she believes me to be...But...I also had a newfound resolve in this path I'd chosen for myself. I was determined to achieve it.

At last, I'd found my niche. I am the brother who joined the military.

 **Please don't forget to review! I'd appreciate your feedback on this angle.**


	15. Chapter 15

The first months of cadet school were rough. We had an established routine consisting of waking up at 6 every morning, roll calls, cleaning, meals, raising and lowering the flag, formations, going to our extracurriculars, private study time, and taps before retiring for the night. After a month and a half, it became habit and everything was fairly predictable.

I studied Aerospace Engineering there. It wasn't exactly a calculated decision; I had free reign when it came to this since we were all certainly becoming soldiers in the end, and so I thought, "Hey, airplanes are cool!" So I did that. The more I learned, the more I enjoyed it, the more I wanted to be good at it. I studied _A LOT_ \- I studied more in my first year at the Academy than in my four years of highschool combined. I learned to fly in my second year, and did pretty well in air operation and aerial navigation.

That was my life for four years.

I did cut my hair, in case you're wondering. The spiky hair is gone, and I didn't miss it. I was surprised by my own acquiescence to it all as well. But I suppose I was fueled by the heartbreak - that the woman I loved would never love me in return and that we could never be together in the way that my heart wished. Instead of wallowing in this misery, I resolved to carve out my destiny: to spend my energies in something else as worthwhile as loving and being loved in return.

So, as the razor chopped off my locks, I did not - I could not - feel any regret. I was hell bent on moving forward. It's insane to me too how I've become such a different person. But I guess, like my brothers, once we found what we want to do, there's no turning back. I am now experiencing what I longed envied about them - the passion and sheer dedication for what they did. We all gave our all, a quality we no doubt got from our mom.

The first time my brothers saw me with my new hair though, they laughed so hard it was ridiculous. It had been nine months since I'd last seen them and they still couldn't believe I actually went through with it.

That was the first time I'd visited them. It was December and I figured I'd go visit for New Year's. It was an eventful season, Masa-nii had wanted to introduce his fiancée to everyone (I've met her once before when they'd just started dating). She was a doctor like him, and worked in the ER. Kyo-nii's law firm was handling a big celebrity scandal case and Suba-nii went to play as the youngest player for the national basketball team. But apart from that everything else was the same at home, save for a few obvious things: Wataru had gotten a lot taller and he'd also cut his hair. Iori came home from France and he'd grown his hair out. Ema grew hers out as well. Fuuto had started college part-time but was still the douchebag that he is.

I corresponded with my family and friends here and there throughout school. But my tight schedule prevented me from prolonged phone calls or chats. Ema was the most diligent about writing me, she insisted on handwritten letters because she said, they're like mementos. She wrote to me about her day, her classes, and any new people she's met.

To me, every letter felt like a step back. I could smell her scent of coconut and strawberries through the paper, could hear her voice and her laugh as she tells me all these things, and then I'd miss her so. Now, if I had been my highschool self I would respond to these letters _immediately,_ stay up a little late and risk being a little tired to morning formation. But I was really trying to be better. So I'd fold her letters up and put them away, responding to her only once every two weeks. And yet, she persisted in writing very regularly (I had about 600 pages of letters by the time I graduated).

During that December visit, I talked to Natsu-nii and Iori-nii the most - brothers I've not been historically close with - but Iori-nii spoke French (which I was studying in school) and he was working in a Disaster Relief organization, and Natsu-nii wanted to develop a game about soldier life so we were all in the zone, sharing our experiences.

I was - to be completely honest - trying to avoid Ema then. The sight of her had the stomach butterflies fluttering wildly, my breath would hitch in my throat. I thought it was okay like that. After all, we corresponded regularly. But I didn't notice that Ema had been particularly wanting to talk to me. She only expressed this in a letter I received two months after I went back to cadet school.

 _I must admit that I was jealous of Iori-nii and Natsu-nii whom you lavished with your attention during your visit. I had hoped that we could be like old times: go to the arcade or play video games in our rooms. It would have been fun if we could have re-lived those days. I hope in your next return, you would block out some time for me, and perhaps we could hang out with our old friends._

My heart swelled. _Kami-sama, almost a year of not being with Ema, and my feelings have shown no signs of going away._

I held the letter against my chest and fell asleep dreaming again of the face that's filled my nights for years and for many years after.


	16. Chapter 16

After that second year though, I'd been on track for command at the Academy, which meant some extra training and exams for board qualification. I became platoon team leader during the beginning of my third year, company commander by the end of it, and battalion commander by the beginning of my fourth year.

This path meant I had only a few breaks in between, usually a day or two. I visited for Masa-nii's engagement party, Wataru's graduation, and once I had to circle up with the family when Fuuto's idol ex-girlfriend OD'd and his PR rep had to make sure we weren't saying anything that would ruin his career. _(It was a silly exercise; I knew so little about my family and could not even carve out time to keep track of pop culture news. But I went anyway, because Fuuto too was desperate, he practically begged me to go - well, he said 'please' and that, with his pride, is practically begging on his knees.)_

During those days, I spoke with Ema only a few times. Nothing much beyond "hi" and "how are you". My number of words exchanged with her was inversely proportional to the number of beats my heart made in a second while in her presence. On paper, it was fine but somehow in person, I struggled to find things to say. I was still head over heels for her. She was still the dearest to me. And while my words were few, I did long to speak with her, but I didn't know how. _How do I talk to her without my heart racing again? How do I talk to her without falling for her more?_ I kept thinking, if I had made any progress at forgetting her at all, this was a sure recipe for regression.

But I did throw whatever boundaries I put up for myself out the window at Masa-nii's wedding. She looked so beautiful, and many other guests noticed too and rather maliciously (because a lot of men are after bridesmaids at weddings) I stayed close but didn't really initiate conversation.

But Ema did. She always did.

"Do you have any formal events at the Academy too?" She asked before the wedding started.

"Sometimes, when higher officials come to visit, we have to be in our dress uniform. But it's really not that fancy, it's like any other military exercise just stricter, I suppose, since you have to be a bit more proper for your superiors' sakes."

She had so many questions about my life and routine as a cadet and what flying a plane is like, which I said, was very freeing. There was so much freedom in the skies and from up there, you get to witness such breathtaking views.

"Hmmm…" She mustered, "I wish I could see these things with you."

"Eh? Really?" I thought about how there's not any room in the gliders, but, oh well…"Then, someday, I hope." I said, though I wasn't even sure if I was allowed to have civilians in government planes.  
"I will hold you to it, Yusuke-kun."

At the end of the ceremony, I threw her question back at her, "Have you any events like this at university?"

"Yes, during the opening of the school year for each college, and sometimes department events mandate formal wear."

"Ah...is that so? Do you...ever go with a...date?"

"Huh? What? Oh, no!"

"Why not? I bet there are those who do ask." I was prying, I know. It's none of my business, I know. But I still love her, and if she was to fall in love, it had better be someone worthy.

"Ah...I'm not sure. Um...I'm not interested."

"Surely, you'll find someone you'll love like that." I gestured to Masa-nii and his wife, Fumi, who were cutting up their cake.

"Or...he'll find me." Ema whispered, drinking her glass of white wine in one gulp.

In a few minutes, she asked me to dance. She was clearly inebriated. I politely refused her, "But I will take you home when you've had enough."

"Yusuke-kun...you're always so good to me."

She passed out and I carried her home. I suppose our being together was still the most natural thing. None of the brothers teased nor questioned my taking care of Ema. I assisted her to her bed and she giggled, "Ah, that's right. This is how you smell."

 _Huh?_ I blushed, _she remembers my scent?_ I tried to ignore how warm my chest and face had gotten and focused on taking off her shoes and tucking her in. Just before she fell asleep, she whispered, "I like this smell."

 _Did she mean me?_

…

Of course not, _idiot_. She must be sniffing herself.

I took off her hair ornament and placed it by her bedside right next to a stack of papers. Upon closer inspection, I realized they were the letters I'd sent her. I blushed again, she must be more worried about me than she lets on.

A warmth blossomed in my stomach and it grew, spreading through my limbs. _Dammit. Kami-sama, why won't these feelings go away?_

I promptly left the next day.


	17. Chapter 17

**Note from the previous chapter: I threw that bit about Fuuto's ex-girlfriend in there because I'd just read the news about Demi Lovato. I thought it might add depth into Fuuto's character and pop star lifestyle.**

* * *

After Masa-nii's wedding, I did think about ignoring Ema. I thought, maybe the reason I'm not making any progress is because she's constantly in my mind. But my will wasn't strong enough. I reasoned against myself that my feelings would only be revealed if I did so or she would think me odd for I am still her friend and her brother. For me to go silent, for no reason, would be cruel to her.

And so here I was, still quite attached to the person I was trying to hard to forget.

Ema, my mom, her dad, Masa-nii and my sister-in-law, Kyo-nii, Kana-nii, the triplets, and Wataru came to my graduation. I had become a Chief Master Sergeant, which was my first official rank in the JSDF. It was a very proud moment and my mom even cried, which is a very rare sight.

I spent a few days with them before I had to ship out to Air Officer Candidate School in Nara. During this time, we attended Ema's graduation, the launch of Rui-nii's second hair salon, and my mom dragged me with her to go shopping for things so big such as real estate and things so small and silly like rugs. I also helped Rin install new light fixtures in the condo's common areas.

It was nice to be with family; I didn't realize until then how much I'd missed being my mom's lackey from time to time.

Then I shipped out and it was another year of training and where I never got to see family. Ema took a job as a high school teacher in Yokohama. She continued to write me, insisting on handwritten letters. She would send me small gifts here and there too: a daisy she picked up on the way to work, a receipt for what she says is "the best parfait in Yokohama", a four-leaf clover one of her students gave her so I might have good luck.

And then, she visited me one weekend. We met at a coffee shop, and walked around downtown Nara and Nara park. We talked about Officer School and her new job. She talked about her students and her co-workers.

"It's very interesting to be on the other side of a classroom, you know. Now I'm realizing how unbearable we must have been back then."

"But we were good kids? I hardly caused any trouble."

She rolled her eyes.

Nara park was beautiful this time of year, when the foliage is stained in colors of the sunset. We came to the lake they had which happened to have some ducks swimming about. We fed them some of the bread that people left behind nearby.

"So...where are you going after Officer School? You're staying close, I hope?"

"There's a few bases around that I could get stationed at. I requested Okinawa."

"Okinawa? Why there?"

"I don't know, I just thought it'd be fun to live in the warmth for a while."

"But it's so far away...I really miss...hanging out with Yusuke. Like this. Feeding the ducks and talking about everything under the sun."

Ema was smiling but she sounded really sad. I had to fight the urge of giving in to my true feelings, which is to say, " _Just say the word, and I'm yours! I won't ever leave your side even if it risks being court marshalled for going AWOL!"_

"Hey, we're hanging out now - and tomorrow! I was thinking we could go to the Iga Ueno and Kasuga Taisha." She smiled, "Alright. I'm taking a lot of pictures and you better not be complaining about them! I want to pocket all these memories."

* * *

When I became a Second Lieutenant at the end of Officer School, I was stationed in Aomori, which is North, the complete opposite of where I'd requested to go. But I wasn't there long. I did have to go South and very far West. Shortly after that, my unit was dispatched to Djibouti to fight piracy in Somalia. To me, that was a strong sign that fate was working with me to carve my destiny away from Ema.

The assignment was some kind of UN peacekeeping/crime-fighting/human-rights-upholding agreement which Japan strongly supported. So I guess some part of my wish to be like Rin came true. This is the destiny I'm supposed to realize, not getting caught up in romance…

... _right?_


	18. Chapter 18

**Yes, I realize the tense has changed but it's for my convenience more than anything. I really don't want to narrate all x years of college and post-college life. It will change back to present soon. Please RxR.**

In Djibouti, the culture and scenery shift was certainly an adjustment but since I spoke French, there was no language barrier. Majority of my work had little to do with the locals anyway since I did mostly air surveillance and flying Japanese and UN officials and civilians from one city to another.

After a year in Djibouti, I received a letter from Ema about when I would come home for a visit. I realized then that even when we talked over the phone or over video chat, there were things that she couldn't quite say to my face because it is contrary to the support and encouragement she tries to give me.

 _I hate seeing your empty seat at family gatherings and always worrying about your safety. I always wonder when I will see you again. I know this is selfish of me to say, but will you come home soon? I really miss my best friend._

I remember how my heart swelled when I read that she'd honored me with such a title in her life. Don't bestfriends have a special place in a person's soul? And Ema's reserved a spot for me! So though I might be in the friendzone, at least I was in the best-friendzone!

After that, I wrote Emma furiously with promises that I'd be home soon, and for a longer time than before. I scoured the web for tickets and went through the long process of filing for leave.

But I guess fate had other plans. With my luck, I should not have been surprised. I guess, fate really wanted to keep me away from her.

A civil war broke out in nearby South Sudan, and that crushed all hope of being able to visit home. My leave was of course denied and my unit was assigned to deal with the issues. The tensions were higher then, because there is always the possibility that internal conflicts would spread to other states, which is common historically in Africa. So my unit was pretty much in and out of Juba observing a ceasefire, rescuing Japanese citizens, and trying to ensure security amid breakouts of violence.

Of course, just because these things happen doesn't mean the rest of the world had to stop. My brothers decided to make milestone achievements during this time. I didn't get to go home for Kyo-nii's wedding (more like after-wedding party since he and his girl had eloped - oh, and we still don't like his taste in women so it wasn't too bad that it ended up this way), and Tsubaki's engagement, the release of Kana-nii's new book, and the birth of my adorable nephew, Mamoru, Masa-nii's son.

During the most difficult times, I thought about Ema a lot. How I missed her, how I'd do anything to keep her smiling and experiencing any of the things I was seeing here. While in the air and smelling of metal, sweat, and fuel, I'd think of the way she smelled and the way her hair felt on my skin whenever it draped against me when she fell asleep studying. The envelope of pictures she gave me before I joined this life, I'd always kept close to my chest (so much so that it got so gross with sweat and some of the pictures started to fade) for it always made me feel close to her.

All this thinking of her wasn't really helping me in my original goal to get over her, but at the same time, it was my best way of coping with being away from home and family and dealing with all the difficult sights we see here. The other guys who didn't have a coping mechanism all regressed into depression, drinking, or watching X-rated films. For me, there was only Ema to keep my spirits up— _uh, not in that way_ —just the thought that she worried about me, and that she missed me, and continued to stay in touch was enough to keep me positive and still see hope amid darkness.

The next letter I received four months later, however, was a dagger to the heart.

 _Mahoko introduced me to this guy, Gin-kun. He's a vet and he's been taking care of Juli and has been very nice. He asked me out on a date in lieu of payment. I thought I might accept._

I didn't respond to that one. I couldn't find the words. And for a long while I functioned like a robot: suppressing all feelings and thoughts and just following orders.

I always knew this was going to happen but I just kept hoping in the back of my head that perhaps Ema might just not marry and she'll just be the apple of my eye forever and we could just stay the way we are. But now that the moment's arrived, I just kept telling myself, whether she accepts or not, it has nothing to do with me. At the same time, my mind was swimming with thoughts and a large thorn had lodged itself in my chest. _They'd probably get along since he likes animals, like her. Maybe they'll get married. Then maybe when she's out of reach forever, maybe then I'll finally forget and let her go._

* * *

When I didn't respond to the letter, Ema too stopped writing me. She also stopped reaching out. And for a moment I mourned my loss of contact with Ema, but I also quickly encouraged myself that it's for the better. It's not like I want to hear her gush about this new guy she's met anyway, that would be unbearable.

I was determined not to think about Ema, so I opened my world and started to notice other people. I felt rather victorious for a time, thinking that I'd met my goal of forgetting her and I started actually hanging out with my fellow airmen, and even the civilians that we worked with. There was this female translator I flew around often and we talked a lot more now that I wasn't always staring at the pictures I always carried or sleeping and daydreaming about a woman I could never have.

So in came this translator - Agnes, was her name - she was a civilian third-party employee that we had to transport often. I was the only person in the transport unit that spoke French so she talked to me. She reminded me of Ema a bit in that she took a lot of pictures. Also, as it turns out, she'd worked with Iori-nii's organization before. She was Danish and had done a lot of international humanitarian work since her college days. I thought that was impressive and often asked her questions about the things she'd seen. Talking to her, felt a lot like talking to Iori-nii. Months later, she added me on social media and I guess that's when we became actual 'friends'.

Soon, she started asking for me: for my team to help with land shipments - which is not even my realm but somehow my commander allowed it anyway. And then she'd thank the team for the help by inviting us and her other colleagues to her apartment for food and drinks. And then one night as we were finishing up she invited me to hang out. Now, I spoke French but I wasn't so familiar with their colloquialisms. I didn't understand the undertones because frankly, I've never had much experience in this arena. I assumed 'hang out' meant with a group of friends - like the team, and the regulars she used to invite - but turns out it was just us. And even when I was the only one who showed up at her apartment, I still didn't think anything of it - why? Because I was dense as f-! I didn't notice anything until after dinner, I was standing in the kitchen and she held my hand and leaned against my shoulder. I paused for a moment to process what had happened before gently pulling away from her.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Ah, I don't know. I thought this too intimate."

"So?"

"So...that's not...we're not friends like that."

"What do you mean? We are not just friends...aren't we?"

Kami-sama, I felt like the biggest idiot then. Surely, I'm not this dense! I told myself then. But I was. Damn, I was. And I had to clear up the misunderstanding. Agnes, from some small interest in me, decided she wanted to date. But I was not interested in her and certainly not this kind of dating. This is not how it's supposed to be!

And then my thoughts were just filled with Ema, Ema, Ema. My soul kept calling only her name.

Kami-sama, I felt so awful from the experience. I felt like I'd somehow betrayed my commitment to Ema by accidentally having had some girl cozy up to me. I know Ema wouldn't care because she doesn't know that I had made this pledge to her, nevertheless I felt like I had been unfaithful.

This is what I get for being so half-hearted about moving on: unable to like another because of my inability to completely let go.

I resolved then that if I was to move forward, it would be on my terms, for something I truly want and someone I was truly interested in - not just because an opportunity - another person to distract myself with - presents itself. I don't know - maybe I'm a sucker like that. But it felt so much like fraud and deception. Not just to the third party, but to myself. I was not going to build a life or a relationship on lies. That was not going to be my destiny.


	19. Chapter 19

**This chapter officially ends the pivot to Yusuke's career. I realize the story has gone a little OC, but I wanted to develop his character so much more than just a hotheaded tsundere. I thought him joining the military would bring us to that maturity quickly. The other brothers took a lot of glamorous occupations, so I thought I'd do something different for him that better fits his personality. I couldn't see him in a suit as an accountant or lawyer, but I could imagine him in bootcamp. He had the perseverance for it.**

 **But that's the end of that life. You're not going to see it much from here.**

After two years, my deployment in Africa ended. Before going back to Japan, I stopped in Paris and met up with Mama, Hikaru, and Iori. It was so nice to be with family again. We talked and laughed like the old days - evidently, with less bickering. Iori took me to museums and then we'd meet with Hikaru and Mama at cafes in Champs-Élysées.

"So where is your next duty station?"

"So all the brothers can vacation and crash my place? Nope, I'm not telling, except that it's somewhere nice." Hikaru clicked his tongue in response, "Funny, Ema said the same thing about her new job - Not the vacation and crash part - just that it's somewhere nice but she didn't want to say where it is."

My chest tightened, I have not heard from Ema in months. I don't know much about her life now so my mind automatically wandered to the worst, "She probably went to live with her new boyfriend but didn't want to tell anyone." Saying that out loud felt like a grenade seemingly landed on my chest and obliterated my already broken heart. I died inside.

All three of them almost spat out their drinks, "BOYFRIEND?!" They chorused, eyes wide, mouths gaping. "Yeah, she told me so in the last letter I got from her. I now know why she wouldn't tell, obviously everyone would go ballistic." I commented coolly, not mentioning the fact that I'd burned that letter and now am trying to ignore the aching in my chest.

This is the first time I let myself actually think about reality - about Ema and this guy together. Man, did it hurt to face the truth. She has someone now. She doesn't need me to talk to or write to about her frustrations and dreams and every small and ordinary thing she finds beautiful. Come to think of it, I took it for granted when I was that person. But perhaps it's all for the best - this, after all, was one of the reasons I joined the military in the first place.

Mama sighed, "I'd never heard of this. She hasn't mentioned anything to Rin either, I don't think." Her sigh turned into a frown, "I was really hoping my only daughter would confide in me about these things!"

Used to our mother's dramatics, we immediately changed subjects. I asked the first thing that came to mind, "Anyway, she took a new job?" Iori turned to me with a confused look, "You know about the boyfriend but not about the new job?" I didn't say anything. I didn't want them to know I stopped responding to Ema after hearing about the 'boyfriend'.

"Well, yeah, she took a new job. After her squirrel died, she was pretty devastated and I guess she needed a change of scenery."

"Juli died?"

"Gosh, you really don't know this either? He died a few months ago."

I felt like a piece of shit. Even if she had someone now to comfort her through it, I still could have said something. I still could have showed I cared and worried and felt sad for her too.

I resolved to call Ema when I land in Japan.

* * *

It took me a three days after landing in the motherland to find the courage to call her. Now I'm standing standing out in my balcony, taking in the salty sea breeze, overlooking the East China Sea, mentally encouraging myself to just press _Call._

" _Calling…"_ the screen said, and I held my breath as I listened to the ringing, _1...2...Maybe I should just leave a voicemail...Maybe she's at work...Maybe...maybe this is the dumbest idea ever! Crap! Stupid Yusuke! I should just hang up-_

"Hello." She answered. _Kami-sama! It's her! Man, I really missed her voice._

"H-h-hey. I hope this isn't a bad time. I just wanted to say that I heard about Juli and wanted to tell you I'm sorry." Silence. And she was silent for a long time - I checked my phone to make sure she didn't hang up on me - then I heard her take a deep breath on the other side, "Yusuke-kun...I really missed your voice." I noticed her voice cracked a little.

"Funny, I was just thinking the same thing."

My heart warmed. Some of the ache that's been there since the thought of her living with some guy was soothed for a little bit.

"Thank you for calling." She said softly and suddenly I was back to my teenage self: unable to articulate my thoughts like a normal human being, "Mm...yeah. It's been a while." _Stupid, Yusuke! Say something!_

But like always, Ema started the conversation, "How are you able to call?"

"Oh...uh, that is, I'm back in Japan."

"You are?! Are you in Tokyo?"

"No, I'm at my duty station."

"In Aomori?"

"No - listen, I'll tell you if you promise not to tell my brothers where I am?"

She giggled and another thorn was plucked off my chest, "I promise." I pictured her making a cross over her heart. It's as if no time or distance passed between us at all.

"So they gave me what I wanted. I'm in Naha, Okinawa."

Another long silence on the other line. Then she began softly, "Um...do you want to meet up?"

"Huh? I can't possible ask you to fly here, you-"

"No, um...I'm in Naha too."

 _Fate, destiny, you're playing tricks on me again._

* * *

We agreed to meet for dinner and I was so nervous, I _accidentally_ dressed up. I worried she'd bring her boyfriend with her and it'd be this awkward and painful conversation of, " _Yusuke-kun this is my boyfriend, blahblahblah-kun. I didn't tell anyone yet, but we got engaged, last night!"_ Oh my heart, how will I keep it together then?

When Ema showed up, I was relieved to see she was alone. I thought she looked like spring, like a flower that emerged from the depths of winter. She cut her hair again and she looked like the first time I saw her: like the incarnate spirit of the cherry blossom. There is a beauty and softness about her that leaves one awestruck. But she is always out of grasp, never yours to keep.

There was an awkward pause when she came over to me - like we both thought about going in for a hug but changed our minds at the last second. We ended up settling on a _very_ awkward pat on the shoulder.

We chatted casually over dinner though I could tell that something was a bit off with her. She seemed distracted or uneasy about something.

"So I was told you got a new job, I didn't know you moved here."

"Oh yeah, actually I'd been applying for graduate programs across the country. This appealed to me most because of the teaching assistantship." Even as she said this, I had been so convinced of her living with her boyfriend that I still couldn't shake the thought from my mind, "Was your _beau_ okay with moving here?" I almost smacked myself for the weird emphasis on 'beau'.

Amid a mouthful of food, Ema's eyes widened, "Beau? I don't have a boyfriend!" She said, shaking her head vigorously. The weight and thorns on my chest that had been stuck there for days all magically washed away and my spirits significantly improved from how it had been in days.

"What? I thought you were dating that vet you wrote to me about."

Ema just shook her head and made a face I almost missed, but she hid this quickly and changed the subject.

"And yourself?" Ema asked sheepishly.

"Hm?" _Myself, what?_

"You're still with Agnes, yes?"

"Agnes?" I was genuinely confused, _how does she know Agnes?_ "What?"

"It's obvious from the pictures of your adventures together on Facebook...you even had a dinner date."

My brain had to take a moment to process what she said.

 _Kami-sama! Facebook?! Why did I not check my account often enough?! Curse this!_ And it just had to be the one memory I've been trying to erase because of the guilt of having accidentally allowed my hand and shoulder to be taken advantage of.

Ema wasn't looking up from her plate; she just kept playing with her pasta. And I knew she was ashamed of me. _Didn't I say before that online histories will come back to bite us in the ass somehow?_

…

But why am I even freaking out? It's not like it will make a difference to her, whether I dated someone or not. I decided to play it cool, "Oh yeah, there was that. It was chicken basquaise." It was so lackluster that I decided to add a chuckle, which ended up sounding like a goat caught in barbed wire.

"Oh, sounds fancy." Ema took a huge bite of her pasta and occupied herself with reading the table tent between us. In the meantime, I tried to convince myself against the sarcasm I thought I heard in her tone.


	20. Chapter 20

**The first part of this is in Ema's POV! Yay! Someone else other than Yusuke!**

 **Flashback**

"Juli...Juli...where are you?" There was a sudden gush of wind and the cherry blossom petals started falling like you would see in the movies. I stood there just basking in nature, enjoying the scent it brought forth and the cool wind on my face. I thought, "What a great day to start high school, I wonder what more does fate have in store?"

I heard a gasp, and I awoke from my stupor. I turned to look at its source and there found a boy with crimson red hair and eyes full of wonder.

He was quite good-looking, and with the spiky, colored hair, he seemed to look like the type of guy your parents warned you about. But...beyond this, I noticed the blush on his face, the small braids that sat on his shoulders, and the amulet that hung on his neck and I thought they shared a tenderness about him that made him somewhat endearing.

I felt the heat creep up my cheeks.

 _If fate wills it, I would like to know this person more._

* * *

Dinner had become so awkward. I wish he hadn't brought up Gin, but then again, I wish I didn't ask about _the girl._ It only made it worse. I talked about Mahoko instead to ease some of that awkwardness. He would laugh and ask a lot of questions, like he always did. It's funny to me how he feels so the same as back then, but so different as well. I still can't quite get used to his short hair, the full view of his face, and has his physique always been that chiseled?

After dinner, he asked to go on a walk and I led him to to Naminoue shrine. There weren't a lot of people so that was nice. The shrine stalls had squirrel magnets and keychains and we got to talking about Juli. He was very remorseful of his absence during such a dark time for me. It was hard but I managed to tell him how those last days went, the frequent visits to the vet and how Gin-kun was very attentive.

That was a mistake because he asked again, "He sounds like a great guy. I distinctly remember you saying you were dating him. It's how I've come to believe this after all. Has that not been the case?"

We had turned to walk toward Umisora Park and I worried he could hear the annoyance in my footsteps. I don't like these questions. Well, _since I can't seem to escape this,_ "Yeah, we saw each other a few times but I eventually had to tell him I couldn't go on."

"Why is that, didn't you like him?" I really didn't want to answer. It's not so much that I didn't like Gin. He was wonderful. It's just - "It just didn't work out."

"Why, did he hurt you?"

"No—"

"Oh that jerk! I'm going to hunt him down!"

"No, he didn't hurt me. I just love someone else."

I blurted out-What did I say? _Stupid. He's going to misunderstand this,_ "Have been — for a long time. He doesn't know."

He stopped in his tracks right along the boulevard and when I turned to him, I found the shock on his face could not be described. There was a pause. Then he laughed, "Whaaa? You like somebody? How come I don't know this?" He chuckled again, rubbing the back of his head.

 _Crack._ A portion of my chest broke open. _It hurts._ But I don't know exactly what - is it the fact that I can't tell him or he doesn't care in the way I want him to?

My mind retorted angrily, _And how come I didn't know about her?_ How come he wouldn't tell me such an important thing? This, this Yusuke who wouldn't date for silly reasons. "You're one to talk." I failed to mask the anger in my tone. _Why can't I help my sarcastic mouth?_

"What?"  
"You didn't tell me about her either." I could hear the iciness in my voice but the aching in my chest was making it really hard to draw cheer and warmth out of nowhere.  
"Who?" _There he is feigning ignorance again, making me say it again.  
_ "Agnes." I didn't even like saying her name, it's inner torture.

He was silent and off the side of my frown, I took a peek at him. His face looked incredulous, and he seemed at lost for words, "BECAUSE! Agnes and I aren't even a thing!" He was yelling at me, and I paused to process the shock of this news. "We never have! Ever!" The yelling then turned into sheepish mumbling, "There was that one time we had dinner - because I was tricked, and I guess I don't have a full grasp of French yet - but it was nothing to me! Though she did hold my hand and leaned against my shoulder - but I didn't want any of that! It was not consensual! I didn't like it - though she liked me, as it turns out! But I didn't know! I don't like her in that way! I never have!"

He was practically yelling but I savored his candidness and getting a sense of his inner thoughts. Yusuke is still Yusuke, the loyal, seemingly brutish but sentimental guy. After processing the shock, the pain and anger in my chest slowly eased. And then I just felt guilt and sadness.

"I am not hiding anything - except my location, from my brothers - but, you, on the other hand, you haven't told me anything of this-this guy!"

 _How can I hold it any longer?_ The very reason that made me realize this in the first place, was apparently not a thing after all. What do you do in this situation? _Why has fate brought me in this moment?_ If I hold it in, my fate is sealed, but if I say something...I could feel my cheeks burn and I resolved to stare at my feet to hide my face away from him, "Because if I told you, Yusuke-kun, it would be very weird, us being family and all."

"Ah," He lowered his tone. "Well I suppose I can understand that."

He started to walk away, but something was telling me to push further. _I have to make him understand._ "No, that's not -"

Tears streamed down unexpectedly. All the pent up hurt, anger, confusion, frustration, and even more hurt, came rushing forth.

"Ema, hey. Are you okay?" He took my shoulders and kept trying to peek as I hid my face away from him.

"...ike you - _hic -_ I've been so afraid to say it - _hic -_ because I don't want you to - _hic -_ hate me."

* * *

I was so confused, why is she crying? _What is she talking about?_ I won't hate her ever. I could feel her trembling against me and while I didn't understand, I knew enough to know this was taking a lot for her to say. I nearly growled, "Ema, that's ridicu—"

"I'm so sorry— _hic_ —to put this upon you— _hic_ —But I can't hold— _hic_ —it in anymore. And you— _hic_ — showing up here all of a sudden— _hic_ —what am I to think— _hic_ —I realized it because of the picture of you— _hic_ —and her at dinner."

 _What is she talking about?_ I still don't get it.

"I know it's awkward because you're— _hic_ —supposed to be my brother — _hic, hic, hic_ —And I tried— _hic_ —to think of you that way but— _hic_ —you're always so much more— _hic_ —and I tried to forget— _hic_ —But ever since the beginning, ever since— _hic_ —I just always thought everything about you is— _hic_ —wonderful, Yusuke-kun. I'm so sorry— _hic_ —to love you this way."

 _Hang on, what did she say?_ "Wait, what?" My heart was racing and I felt everything I've come to know start to crumble.

She looked up at me slowly, sheepishly, nervously. She gulped and took a deep breath, "I don't want to be with Gin-kun or Sasakura-kun or any other guy...I've never wanted to be with anyone else but...you. I love you. I'm so sorry."

…

…

…

 _What?_

Her words shook me to the core and my whole body went limp. I had to let go of her and take a step back.

Somehow this made her cry even more. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed into it like an infant. It sounded like years of pent up emotion being poured out onto her hand.

I panicked and took her shoulders again, "No, Ema! Don't cry! No, stop crying. Because the truth is, I -" I paused nervously, searching for the words whilst I unlocked the monster feelings I'd locked away for so long. _Is it okay to let it out? Won't our family think it's weird?_

But this is a leap in itself. I couldn't believe I would ever be able to be in this moment. _Doesn't fate hate me? Didn't I just spend years of my life trying to carve my own destiny because this wasn't supposed to happen?_ I've been so afraid of the incest taboo to realize that I am not bound to it, to see this: that my destiny has been right here in front of me all along.

I guess destiny has a way of crushing us: by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them.

I gulped and pulled her in for a hug so she wouldn't be able to see my face. I suppose we are not permitted to choose the frame of our destiny, fate does that. But what we put into it is ours. And it seems I met mine exactly in the road I took to avoid it. And I am not running away from it this time.

"I love you, Ema."

* * *

"So where should we get married?" Ema said so suddenly while we sat on one of the benches at the park, after all the crying and clarifying of all our thoughts, stories, and feelings.

"You want to talk about getting married already?"

"Well, yeah, you said you don't like 'girlfriend' because it sounds temporary. So I'll gladly take, 'wife'."

My face turned supernova hot, I had to cover it with my hands, "You know, this isn't the way I'd imagined I'd propose."

 **And that's it! Sorry if it seems like it ended abruptly. I wanted to finish it at an even 20 chapters. Please R &R!**


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